This too shall pass

Sometimes I think I know the answer to everything, how to deal with life, with people…and with love.

One of my best friends is dealing with anxiety and clinical depression. It pissed me off how negative he got about life. But I too have my bouts of the same and it struck me how hard and difficult it was to deal with it AT THAT MOMENT. Imagine how he was dealing with it EVERYDAY. It was no picnic. Literally makes one idle with despair.

Between being true to myself by expressing and acknowledging what I feel, I fight with myself to focus on the positive aspect of life.
Sometimes, it also made me wonder how people could never empathize with how other's feel despite their good intentions and advice. It really is true that you can only give what you have. Well meaning intentions can sometimes hinder rather than help.
Don’t be like this, do it like that. It makes me feel torn sometimes between listening to other people’s woes and giving them a good kick in the pants.
It’s also funny how I could give good advice to people but I could not even accept my own medicine.

We just need people to validate what we feel is all too real and not something we make up. Because we know in our hearts what we need to do, we just need people to say we “Yes I know how you feel, its not easy” or “I am there for you, this too shall pass.”

In the end we do need to be true to ourselves and express how we feel AND THEN make a supreme effort to pick ourselves up.

We have our own ways and means. I pray when the going gets really tough and cry if need be when it gets overwhelming. Writing and listening to music also helps. I also surround myself with people who will listen and not judge. I find that people who tell me NOT to feel this way pisses me off and do more harm than those who just listen and make me laugh.

In the final analysis, even with the help and support of people around you, there is no one to rely on but yourself to solve your own dilemma.

So the next time somebody is under the weather, take time to listen, no matter how eager you are to dispense your advice.
We all just need someone to listen.
Sometimes.
And then a good kick in the pants.
Believe me and take my advice!

Love

Love

The need to belong to somebody is as basic as the need to eat and breathe (and have sex).
How many times have we been hurt and sworn never to love, only to find ourselves yearning to be loved and belonging to someone else?

You are not the only one.
Every one of us are wired to love and be part of a pair.

It's funny,no matter what status we have in life, love still defines and shapes who we are. Love has always been the great leveler, the great denominator.

Vignettes on life lessons

On self-reliance

There is no one else to rely on but your self.

That is why it is important to never completely lose yourself in someone.

Some people equate their worth or put their worth on other people. Then they go away, then you end up being devastated.

On happiness

It is a good feeling to be loved and wanted, but always remember, you must be happy in your own right.

On being one’s own person

One must always have one’s own inner well to draw from, a source of strength, a source of happiness, a source of confidence, and the knowledge that you can always overcome any obstacle.

The old adage is true, we can never give what we don’t have. It can be true in some cases that we are capable of giving love, of sharing, but when we give it ALL, we end up being dry. Then we feel as if our life has no more meaning.

On developing yourself

Always cultivate yourself first and foremost. No one wants an empty vessel. Cultivating yourself is good for your self esteem, contributes to your feeling of worth.

Remember, good looks can only take you so far. Read a book, develop a hobby, study something new. It’s NEVER too late to be interested on something. Grandma Moses was 80 when she first started painting and went on to become a prolific painter.

On despair

We must NEVER give in to despair, we must REFUSE to give in to despair. I have known of people giving in to despair and they end up being in the rut that they are in now. Never put yourself in a situation where you end up being idle with despair.

To give up is to lose.

On arguing

Life is too short to argue. One should know which things are important and which are not. A friend once told me, choose your battles, and then fight like hell to win.

On love

Love is the great leveler, the great denominator. And love makes it ALL worthwhile. But never use love as an excuse to hold on to a relationship long bereft of trust, respect and honesty. It has to be both ways, if it feels like it’s a one way street, then its time to move on.

On complaining

If you can do something about it then do it. If you don’t like the way things are, or there is nothing more you can do, GET OUT. But if you just complain and stay in the same vicious cycle over and over again, then you must be a glutton for pain. Again, never use love or pity to stay in a situation where you end being hurt or second class.

Developing ones self

When we develop the self to be good, mature and positive, it resonates to other people, and it inspires them, this translates to more people being inspired and working for a better community. But it doesn’t end there.

Because we are part of the community, this comes back to us in the end. What goes round comes round as they say.

Bottom line, the external, the world is immovable and unchangeable. But if we affect a change WITHIN us, then we AFFECT a change in our community, the way we deal in our relationships, our family, our work.

Gandhi said: We must be the change that we want to see in the world.