Death

They say two things are certain in life. Death and taxes.
Tax? You only feel the pinch when your monthly budget is affected by how much tax deduction they lop off from your salary.
But death.
When it hits close to home, you feel it for a very VERY long time.

My father died last Sunday, January 20, 2008. He was in a South Cotabato General Hospital in Mindanao when he succumbed to a massive stroke.
He died without his family, us, his wife and two children, by his side. He died while his niece embraced him, listening to his heart beat from 50 to 0.

One thing I regret, is that when he died, I never got to say I loved him and that we never got to reconcile from 22 years of silence.

My cousin texted my mother at 4 am the day he was admitted at the hospital, informing us that my father was in grave condition. Later that night she said again that he may not last the the night. We called him up and all I could hear was like he was snoring but he was conscious. My tongue, heart and mind was all tied up and all curled up into a ball and jammed my throat. All I got to say was "Tatay Si Maan ito! Tatay pagaling ka!" . (Tay! This is Maan, I hope you get better!
Two hours after my Nanay called, she said, "O Dats (my mother's name for my tatay), humingi ka ng tawad sa Panginoon sa mga kasalanan mo! Pakabait ka at pagaling ka ha! Wag makulit. O! Humingi ka ng tawad sa Panginoon!" At this point I had to intervene and I said, "Nay, tama na sa patawad...alam na ni Tatay yon."
It was 10 pm.

I only slept fitfully during the night, fully expecting that my father was dead when morning came. My cousin texted again and said that he was ok. My sister called that morning and talked to him again.
It was 9 am.

At 7 pm, I was walking in Megamall with Danny and Faye when I checked my fone, my mother and sister messaged me and said that my father was dead. He died at 4 pm.

I was shocked, not because he died but because I never got to reconcile and never got to say I loved him.
Time literally stands still, you could call it bullet time ala The Matrix, and everything else doesn't matter or register around you. Good thing my friends were there to support me. I was a maelstrom (e.g. bagyo) of emotions, and my mind was like an 8 mm reel replaying my family life with my father at high speed).

I called up my very good friend in Denmark and told him what happened and thats when I broke down completely. The same thing had happened to him and he had been advising me way way back to reconcile with my father before he died. The procrastinator that I am, put it off.
And now what he said had really happened.

The next thing to do was beg for money for the airfare. LOL.
To be continued....